Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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