Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Panties = found
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