Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
