we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
