Welp...herpes.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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