I hate your face
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Did I show you my penis last night?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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