so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
