Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
