We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
