And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
