the new term for farting is butt boxing.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
