I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
