Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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