sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
