At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
