The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
