Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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