plz talk dirty to me
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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