i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
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