there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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