I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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