shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
