You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
