I hate your face
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
