sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
