we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
