Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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