I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
