Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
