The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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