I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
