I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
