am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
