Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
