a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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