A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
