What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
