Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
