Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
