i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
