Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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