im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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