He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
