forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
