if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
