she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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