If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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