Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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