Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
