The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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