How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Watching her eat just hurts me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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