The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
