When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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