Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
