He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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