There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
